Between My Heaven and Earth.

We are born to live the kind of life that we want. We only live once and yes, I'll live my life like this until the day I die.

I am a lesbian. It used to be "no labels" for me because I don't believe in categorizing things or even people. No such thing as homosexual or heterosexual. But people tend to be scared when they don't know what or who they are dealing with. So I chose this "tag". Lesbian.

I am a lesbian. I have been like this since I was 5 years old. I grew up thinking it was normal to be attracted to girls. But the world outside my perfect little box was kinda mean. It taught me the harshness of reality that being like this would be very challenging for me. Sure I tried to be "straight" but it really didn't work for me. After a string of heterosexual relationships, I gave up. No boy could really make me happy. No boy could make me smile and blush like a girl does.

I am a lesbian. I met her already, the girl of my dreams. The girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. She made me fall in love, she makes me fall in love every day. My sweet little heaven. My everything.

I am a lesbian. Having this label, I know it wouldn't be an easy life for us but I'd do my best to keep what we have right now because I love her. That's enough to make me fight for my life, my love.

I am a lesbian.

So come what may.

Mushy Me.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

_________

3 more days ... Happy 6! ;-)

_______


Celina.... Will you marry me?

SemBreak.

Nothing new.. except that I'm addicted to this vidgame, to perry mason, and to my girl. Haven't seen her for 3 days and I already feel sick. Haha... Lovebug. Oh well, I'll get to see her tomorrow.. Yey! :) Love. Love. Love.
___________

Wish List as of October 24, 10:24am

1. iPod
2. A pair of brown (or yellow) Chucks
3. HAWAII!!!
4. A parking space for Shane
5. A cute little dog... Hmmm...
6. A miracle to make me lose weight.. Hehe..

___________

Malapit na ang Christmas... wala lang... =)

Oh yeah, growl baby.. growl!

UST Growling Tigers. Wala akong masabi.. Galing. :-)


_______


Senti mode.


It feels good when you're in my arms.. *sigh* I can't ask for more, Babe. I'm more than contented with what we have. Thank you for always being there... Thank you for being so patient, so loving...


I'm the luckiest person in the whole damn world... :-)

Wooop! After a million years...

Okay. Okay. I've been so busy for the past month.. A lot of things happened and I'm really exhausted. My first shift I think is good enough. I hope I passed all my subjects.. My grade in Pharma was unexpected - I got 82! Woopee! Haha.. Oh the drugs - from the adrenergics to the antiemetics.. I'm loving it. :p

Basta.. okay lang lahat.

I'm loving Celina more and more each day. :-)

MoA

I went to SM Mall of Asia with my subsec group yesterday. It was fun! Hehe.. We went ice skating. Yay! ;-) It was my first time so I guess I looked stupid holding onto the sides, trying to skate with all my might. Hrmf! I fell flat on my butt once.. It was kinda hard, and I think I heard a loud thud. Hehe.. So much for my beginner's luck. Hmm.. I love my subsec.. Hoping for another get-together. :-)

______

My Wish List as of July 8, 9:13pm

1. A Gameboy Advance plus many many games

2. A pair of Rollerblades (so I can practice my soon-to-be skill... skating)

3. A pair of light yellow Chucks

4. A plain collared shirt, preferably blue or maroon

5. A roundtrip ticket to Hawaii plus 5-star accomodation (for two.. Hmmmmmmm...)

6. DVDs: Seasons 2 & 3 of the L word

7. Headbands and Bonnets.. preferably earth colors

8. A nice pair of Levi's

Hmmm.. Yun na lang muna. Celina, if you're reading this... Please buy me at least one of my wishes.. Hehe.. Sugar mommy. :-)

June

It's been awhile since I wrote something here so I'll just make a list of the things that happened last month.

1. School started. It's not so great. I'm not doing well. A 40/100 score in pharma is soulwrecking. Good luck na lang talaga sa 'kin.

2. I sold Stan (my white Opel Astra '00 model) to a stranger. Just for 200k. I miss him sometimes.

3. My mom gave me her green Honda CR-V '03 model. I named him Shane. He's kinda cool. :-)

4. I bought my dream "techstuff" already. So now I'm quite contented... Except I want a new gameboy advance.

5. I made new friends. It's nice to be with other people again. Hopefully, they'll stick around.


I guess that's it for June. Blah.

FOR MY CELINA

I'm in the mood for love
Simply because you're near me
Funny, but when you're near me
I'm in the mood for love...

Heaven is in your eyes
Bright as the stars we're under
Oh, is it any wonder
That I'm in the mood for love?

Why stop to think of whether
This little dream might fade?
We've put our hearts together
Now we are one, I'm not afraid...

And if there's a cloud above
If it should rain, we'll let it
But for tonight, forget it
I'm in the mood for love...

THE EX FILES

How much information do you really need to know about a person's past? Is it really important to know stuff like that?

I've never shared so much about my past except now. I don't know. I told her everything about mine and she told hers. She has 1 ex and probably tons of admirers before, I have 15 exs and 4 might-have-beens. How come her past matters to me while mine doesn't bother her? Maybe because I think she loved her ex so much, it was something real (2 yrs and 8 months daw). My longest relationship lasted for a year and 8 months, my shortest probably was only 14 hours. Only a few made me fall in love though I couldn't sustain the feeling, others were just there to fill in the gaps of my messy life. My constant yearning for attention and affection had gotten me into lots of trouble yet I never learned... only now. I feel she's real.. What we have now is real. And it drives me crazy to think that once in her life she already felt that. It's senseless, I know, but it makes me really jealous. *sigh* Oh well, I guess I have to live with that. Ho-hum.. :-(

THE SONG IN MY HEAD

Across the Universe

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns,
It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Jai guru de va.

INDESCRIBABLE FEAR

Two more weeks and I'm back to school. 2nd yr Med. The thought that I need to read & memorize tons of books makes me feel nauseous with fear. Suddenly, I don't know why I'm in med school. Why?! Why?! Why?! ... Okay, I need to calm down.. Breathe in, breathe out.. *sigh* I practically grew up in a hospital because my mom didn't trust my yaya back then. And ever since I could write my name, I wanted to be just like her, a doctor. And in high school, I became more specific... I wanted to be a successful "neuro-surgeon". My dream was upgraded. College came and went, and I had to decide if I'd still go to med and completely forget about my dream of working in US as a medical technologist. Something happened and I decided right away that I'd go to med school (a very very wrong reason). I know I can be stupid at times but I didn't know I can be that stupid. Anyhow, my first year in med school was a very exciting/mind-body exhausting/soul wrecking/sometimes drudging/blood-guts sucking experience. In short, a rollercoaster ride from hell. My neurology was ok but my anatomy sucked big time, so I don't want to be a surgeon anymore. And during those times that I thought I'd die, I met her. She made everything bearable (though sometimes I feel like I'm on the brink of losing my sanity). She's always there and her constant loving reassurance that I'd be ok got me through my first year. It's been my lifelong dream and I know there's no turning back. I guess I just have to pray harder this time. Oh God... Second year, here I come.

WORDS

I wish I'd learn how to write more. I don't know what happened to me. I used to love it way back in high school. Hmm... I guess the reason why I stopped is because I got my heart broken. Big time. And so everything ceased to move, especially my pen. Hope I'll find something in me, something that would really inspire me so I could write again. Bummer.

_______

I love Celina. No words could ever describe what I feel for her. I'd definitely marry her someday. (Sabi nga nya pag kaya ko na syang buhayin. ) Just wait baby, I'll do anything to be with you always. :-)

" Everytime I see you I'm alive. You're all I've got. You lift me up. The sun and the moonlight... All my dreams are in your eyes........"

JUST MOVED IN

Wish I knew more about this HTML stuff.. It's so frustrating. Ho-hum. :-(