To My Future Girlfriend

Dear Future GF,

I wonder when I will meet you. I hope it's soon...

September's starting tomorrow...

I don't want a cold Christmas.


Love,
your future GF

Lies.

3/27/08

Tin,

When we first started talking to each other I felt scared of everything. Probably it's because I have been single for a loooong time that it felt new. the whole, flirting thing. But i guess much more of it is due to the fact that there is something about you, and the way you speak to me that scared me to death. You were really intense you know? the way you look at me, the way you talk. Seems like all of the things you say, you really have thought about for years... things you tell me about yourself... your likes, your dislikes, how you are in relationships, your life.. i felt that you have figured out a lot of things about yourself already. And that is scary for someone who never tried to assess what she wanted out of life. You made me think about what and who i am. Then we became really close. ironically, the person who scared the shit out of me, is the same person who attracted my mind, my heart and my soul.

We're getting good at it babe... at least i think now, you get me. i know you know it when im scared. When im embarrassed. when im guilty (that i know you've mastered). when im vulnerable. when im happy. when im sad. when im different, you notice it right away. and you know that im not alright... so you try to make things better by being the sweet person that you are. who would've thought that someone would pay attention to me? i never thought that id reach this point in my life when i will be seen... why babe? why are your eyes fixed on me....?

my heart has never been this happy. I have been left behind before and that has traumatized me in ways i can never forget... but you picked me up. And just the image of you in my mind can make my past seem little... non existent even... and im wondering how life would be like if you did not choose me.... i would probably be in that hell hole still... thinking that the hurt is bigger than me. When you hug me, i feel like im falling... so i hold tight.. and you're just there babe, giving yourself to me. have you ever thought of letting go babe?

My mind is filled with plans for the future with you babe...

I hope you feel the same way too...

I'm excited to be a doctor babe... =)

I'm excited to be the girl of your dreams...

I love you with all my heart, Tin... I will take care of you.. I promise.

-Teng

Lies.

11/10/07

Babe....

I'm just not sure how much I love you... coz how can one quantify a love that never ends... When I'm with you, I feel that Im in the best place in the world.... When you hold my hand I feel bathed with security... with tenderness... Your passion for me is indescribable.... that my passion for you... for life... for my profession sky rockets... Babe, you inspire me.. in short.

When I think of the times I spent thinking, if this relationship is worth the risk... the coming out... I wish I never wasted a breath second guessing... But then, at least you know that NOW, with you... I am sure. And NO doubt in my head can pull you away from me... You don't need to flabbergast me with huge things... coz simple little sweet nothings take my breath away...

1. I love it when you touch and feel the curves in my body.. Makes me feel adored.

2. I melt when you take my hand... and caress it... there's a sense of security in your touch... like telling me that i should not be scared of anything.. coz you're there.

3. I adore you when you drive us anywhere... its like you are in control... i like that. And you're a good driver babe... i feel safe...

4. When you kiss me... i never felt you pull yourself away. Ever. How lucky can I get..

5. When you make love to me.... I get speechless.

6. When you smile... I can just take my clothes off... and kiss you all over.....

those are but a few things....

I never thought I'd meet someone as wonderful as you....

Im so happy... that I said yes to you that night.... And blown away...

.... the mere fact someone like you, even asked.

I'M SO IN LOVE WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE....

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU'VE CHANGED ME.....

I LOVE YOU....
________________

I wonder...

Because I couldn't say goodbye.

For 4 years, I haven't done anything else in my life but to love you and take care of you. Now that you're gone, I feel lost. I feel so empty.

I loved you so much.. so much. But it wasn't enough.. Maybe I should have been more loving, more caring, more understanding.. more.......

It's too late now...

I just miss you.

Dying.

It's more than a month since we broke up. Babe, I'm missing you more each day. And it's getting harder and harder to live without you. I thought I'd be okay, that I could handle this. But I can't. I want to die. I'd rather die than be without you... I feel my ending coming close... I'm sorry if I'm so weak. I miss you so much. I love you too much... I can't bear it anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I can't exist without you... I just can't.

I MISS YOU.

THINGS I MISS ABOUT YOU...

1. the way you look at me... (melts my heart everytime...)
2. the way you hold my hand...
3. the way I feel when you hold my hand...
4. the way you say "Babe.."
5. the way you hold me in your arms...
6. the way you smile at me.. (makes everything alright..)
7. the way you sleep beside me... (such a perfect world...)
8. the way you say "I love you.."... (I know I'll never love anyone like this again...)
9. the way you make my heart beat fast.. (I don't know how you do this..)
10. the way you kiss me.. (it's like nothing else matters...)

I can go on and on...

I wish you were here...

I miss you so much...

I miss you.

How can I?

I know you don't want to hear from me.. So I'm blogging this.. Just in case you remember my blog.. I miss you.. Desperately missing you..

_________________

How can things go wrong
When you're here with me
All of time and space would stop
They'd stop for you and me

How can we go wrong
We're like words within a song
Perfect rhyme and perfect time
And perfect harmony

Now our words have lost their way
And all they seem to say
You don't intend to stay with me
Tell me why
When we have come this far
We're happy as we are
But now

How can I feel right
When you're not by my side
Strange that I'm here all alone
As I recall the happy times
The happy songs, the perfect rhymes
How can I go on
How can I move on
How can I, how can I
Without you...