Twisted Song.

I don't know if I can yell any louder,
How many times have I kicked you out of here?
Or said something insulting?

I can be so mean when I wanna be,
I am capable of really anything,
I can cut you into pieces,
When my heart is broken.

Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious,
What is it with you that makes me act like this,
I've never been this nasty,
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest,
But baby I don't mean it,
I mean it, I promise

Please don't leave me
(Don't leave me)
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud,
How beautiful you really are to me,
I can't be without,
You're my perfect little punching bag,
And I need you,
I'm sorry.

Please, please don't leave me
Baby, please don't leave me (no, don't leave me)
Please don't leave me
(I always say) I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me, (Yeah)
Please don't leave me
(I) I always say how I don't need you,
But it's always gonna come right back to this,
(Please, Please) Please don't leave me,
Baby, please, please don't leave me.


--- PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, Pink

LOML

I haven't been this happy in a long time. It feels somewhat strange to have everything I want and need. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful. BEYOND GRATEFUL. It just feels weird because I was struggling for the past few years. And now life is good. Finally.

When she holds me.
Kisses me.
When she simply holds my hand.

When she whispers she loves me.

There's nothing I want more.

I am blessed.

Love of my life.

9 YEARS

We were watching Coyote Ugly. Then I leaned in, she leaned in, and we kissed. Our first kiss.

9 years after, I'm still in love with her. And she still loves me.

I'm the luckiest person.

August 3rd.

I love you, Jade.

July 23rd

She said she loves me. And I still love her. We're giving it another shot.

Jade.

Toronto

I'm in love. CG.

NW.06

I want to hear your voice.

Even for just a second.

I want to know that you really do exist.

Not just in my mind.

I want to have a reason for this madness.

I want.

I want.

I want.

I want you.

Badly.

M.

Drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

Supermoon

I want to forget you. Everything about you. I wish my brain had a reset button so I could wipe out all these stupid memories.

I miss you so much.

It's killing me again.

Watching stars without you, my soul cries.

"I go crazy, crazy baby, I go crazy.
You turn it on, then you're gone.
Yeah, you drive me crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby.
What can I do, honey? I feel like the color blue.
I'm losin' my mind, girl, cause I'm goin' crazy.."

I miss you.

Fuck.

NW.05

I feel homesick for a place I've never been to.

I long for someone I've never met.

NW.04

Day after day.

Night after night.

Thoughts.

Dreams.

Loving my idea of you.

I can't let go.

NW.03

Photographs.

Diana.

And you.


"How many times must we go through this?
You've always been mine,
Woman, I thought you knew this
How many times must we go through this?
You'll always be mine,
Cupid only misses sometimes."

NW.02

Your white sneakers.

Your Superman shirt.

Your stupid beautiful face.

*silently weeps

"Darling, you're with me, always around me,
Darling, I feel you, forever and always.
Give me shelter or show me heart.
And watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart..."

NW.01

I've never met her.
I've never heard her voice.
But I'm in love with her.

Pictures of her.
Her face.
Her smile.
Her frown.
Her hands.
Her legs.
Her feet.
Her shoes.

Pictures of her.

I spend most of my waking hours thinking about her.
Daydreaming about a conversation we'll never have again.
And in my sleep, she is there.
In my dreams.
Every single night.
My heart dreams of her.

I want to see her.
To tell her what I feel.
To hear her voice.
To touch her face.
I cannot stop wanting her.

I cannot stop loving her.
A stranger.
My stranger.

I've never met her.
I've never heard her voice.
But I'm in love with her.

H.O.

"I read your name on every wall...
Tell me, is there a cure for me at all?"

My Hunger Game

I haven't figured out what to do with my life yet. So far, these are my options:

1. Put up my own business... in Canada

2. Become a Science teacher (because no matter what I do, I really love the subject).

3. Become a professional photographer.

4. Find someone and get married. Man or woman, I don't care.

5. Die. Soon.

Hopefully, I won't get to the last option. Kinda sucks to die young, I imagine.

Life. Pfft.

___________

I'm going to New York this May, and probably Toronto if I get my tourist visa.

Destiny. Fate. C'mon!

___________

March 30, 2012

My sister and I went to Araneta Center to watch Hanson. I cried when I saw them. Haha... I'm such a fangirl! I remember when my room was covered with their posters. Taylor everywhere (and Leonardo di Caprio, hehe)! OMG. I'm still in love with him. Mmmbop for 15 more years!

~ While we were waiting for the concert, we watched Hunger Games. It was great though I didn't like how it was shot, kinda made me dizzy. But I guess they did that to cover up the gore. I love the plot. I love Katniss and Peeta. I must read the books soon. Somehow, it fills the void that Harry Potter left after its long run. District 12. Yes? Yes!

Hey, Stranger.

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know


--- SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW


________________________________

I don't know why I feel this way about you.

I hate it, actually.

I still think about you.

I'm always thinking of you.

Pathetic.

27.

I'm turning 27 in a couple of days.

27.

Lost and confused.

27.

When I was younger, I thought I'd be successful by this time.

27.

I thought I'd still have you.

27.

Fucked up.

27.

It's been 3 years.

27.

I hate my life.

27.

I hate you.

27.

I don't want to turn 27.

2011.

I know this post is 2 weeks late. I just need to recap the whole 2011. It was an interesting year, not a happy one though. Anyways...

2011

January - I got "engaged" to Jello. Then I decided to quit my medical internship. A bad month actually.

February - My grandmother passed away. Birth
month but didn't really feel like it.

March & April - ? Hmm... nothing significant.

May - I saw Joane again after 10 years. McD Valero.

June - Had an interesting talk with Jade. Just like old times.

July - ?

August - Broke up with Jello. Took the IELTS exam and I passed. Jade said she's still in love with me.

September - I went to Singapore with Jello - not a good idea. Then I went to Europe with my family. Dusseldorf. Amsterdam. Maastricht. Brugge. Paris. Koln. Dusseldorf. Venice. Rome. (I'm going back there, I promise.)

October - Twitter. I met Holly. And I think I fell in love with her - not a good thing, Norwegian wood. Ugh, you got me there.

November - I got my puppy. Baby Snowy. The most adorable baby ever. :)

December - Nothing.

So that was my whole year. I don't know if 2012 would be a better year. Or my last year.

Let's see.